written by Rebecca-Sophia Strong
Photo by Matheus Bertelli
My work revolves around helping individuals heal and resolve trauma through EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) therapy intensives. But today, I want to talk about something many people avoid: regret.
Why focus on regret? Doesn’t it often bring up guilt, shame, or dissatisfaction? While these feelings can surface, regret, when approached with the right mindset and tools, is an incredibly powerful force for growth. It helps us learn, make better choices, and move forward with greater clarity.
In my EMDR therapy practice, I work with individuals processing unresolved trauma and struggles from their past. Healing doesn’t happen by ignoring mistakes or pushing regret aside. Instead, true transformation comes from consciously reflecting on the past, learning from it, and using those lessons to shape a better future.
This is the essence of the revitalizing power of regret. By confronting the moments in our lives when we wish we’d chosen differently, we gain wisdom. Those past mistakes and regrets become the catalyst for personal transformation.
Why Embrace Regret?
Regret is often viewed negatively. It’s tied to poor decisions, missed opportunities, or harmful actions. But rather than seeing it as something to avoid, it’s important to recognize that regret reflects our values, desires, and understanding of what matters most.
Feeling regret shows we care about making good choices and living authentically. When processed consciously, regret doesn’t have to be paralyzing. Instead, it becomes a guiding force for growth and self-discovery, offering valuable insights into who we are and who we want to become.
Reflecting on Past Mistakes
Mistakes are part of being human. Instead of focusing on the negative emotions that arise from them, we can shift to the lessons they teach us. By reflecting on regrets, we extract meaning from our experiences and grow stronger.
I’ve worked with individuals who’ve faced critical choices, made decisions they later regretted, and felt stuck. Through reflection, they came to understand the fears or beliefs that influenced those choices. This shift—from self-blame to self-understanding—is transformative. It allows us to integrate lessons into our lives and make decisions that align with our values and goals.
The Role of Future Self Meditation
A powerful tool I use in my practice, including in EMDR therapy, is Future Self Meditation. This practice helps individuals connect with their future selves and envision the life they’ll create by taking action on lessons learned from regret.
Imagine yourself five years from now. What would life look like if you had made different choices? If you had taken the risks you avoided, spoken your truth, or set boundaries when needed?
This exercise fosters an empowered mindset, helping us see the tangible results of making decisions aligned with our values. It’s not just about healing past regrets but also about motivating bold steps toward the future we want.
Taking Action
While reflection and visualization are transformative, true change happens when we act. Regret isn’t just about acknowledging what went wrong—it’s about using that insight to shape a better future.
For example, if someone regrets not pursuing a dream career, taking small steps like networking, learning new skills, or exploring opportunities bridges the gap between who they are today and who they want to become.
Transform Regret Into Growth
Here’s how to turn regret into a positive force:
Acknowledge Your Regrets: Feel regret without judgment and approach it with curiosity.
Reflect on Lessons: Learn from your choices to guide future decisions.
Engage in Future Self Meditation: Visualize your best self and let it inspire action.
Take Action: Small steps aligned with your values build momentum.
Be Compassionate: Mistakes are part of the journey. Treat yourself kindly.
Conclusion
Regret doesn’t have to be something we suppress. When approached consciously, it’s a tool for healing and growth. Through reflection, action, and techniques like Future Self Meditation and EMDR therapy, you can transform regret into a force for positive change.
Thank you for joining me on this journey. Let’s work together to help you heal, grow, and become the person you’re meant to be.
If you want to learn more about EMDR Therapy, click here.