written by Rebecca-Sophia Strong
Photo by Engin Akyurt
Welcome to your Sanity Hack! This time, we’re diving into an often-overlooked yet deeply powerful emotion: regret. I am so excited to continue our conversation about how regret, if handled with care, can become a valuable tool for growth.
The Hidden Power of Regret
When we think of regret, it’s easy to associate it with something negative. It’s that uncomfortable feeling that often arises when we look back on missed opportunities, poor decisions, or actions we wish we could undo. Regret tends to feel like a heavy burden we try to avoid, a secret emotion that we bury away, convinced it’s something that needs to be repressed.
But here's the twist: regret doesn't have to remain in the past or hold us back. As Daniel Pink, the renowned author of The Power of Regret, puts it, "The negative emotion of regret reveals the positive path for living." Regret, when understood and processed properly, can be a catalyst for growth, self-improvement, and even a more meaningful future.
Why Should We Embrace Regret?
The key to transforming regret from a toxic emotion into a powerful tool lies in how we approach it. Just like shame, once we give regret a name and acknowledge it, we begin to liberate its energy. This energy, when used wisely, can help us unlock hidden wisdom and set us on a path toward creating the life we truly want.
Regret, rather than being something to avoid, can reveal the things we truly value and care about. It can show us what’s important, what we might have taken for granted, and where we still have room to grow. Most importantly, it helps us make better decisions moving forward.
The Four Types of Regret
According to Daniel Pink, there are four distinct types of regret that we often experience. Understanding these can help us categorize and process them effectively. Here’s a breakdown of each one:
Foundational Regret
This type of regret centers on decisions that affect our security and well-being. Think about choices related to saving money for the future, investing in education, or making career decisions that impact our long-term stability. These regrets are often rooted in the fear of missed opportunities for growth or financial security.
2. Boldness Regret
Boldness regrets involve the things we didn't do out of fear or hesitation. These regrets are often about missed chances for adventure, love, or personal growth—like not traveling the world, not pursuing a passion, or not taking a leap of faith in a relationship. These regrets may be tied to our desires to take bold actions but holding back out of fear of failure.
3. Moral Regret
This one is more complex. Moral regrets usually involve a decision or action that harmed someone, violated a personal value, or involved dishonesty. These regrets often keep us up at night because they involve deeper feelings of guilt, shame, and remorse. Whether it's lying, cheating, or failing to stand up for something you believe in, these regrets can weigh heavily on the heart.
4. Connection Regret
This type of regret is all about relationships. It can involve the loss of friendships, family rifts, or missed opportunities for deeper connection with others. Connection regrets arise when we think about relationships that drifted apart or how we could have been closer to others, if only we’d taken the time or made the effort.
Transforming Regret Into Action
So, what do we do with all these regrets? The trick is not to dwell on them in a way that holds us back, but to use them as a driving force for positive change. As Daniel Pink suggests, regret can be a great learning tool. It allows us to learn from the past and use those lessons to make better decisions in the future.
The challenge is in how we handle our regrets. When we don’t address them, they can fester and continue to drain our energy. But when we face them head-on, we open the door to healing and transformation.
Your Sanity Hack
Here’s your sanity hack: take the time to reflect on two or three regrets you have in your life. Think about moments, decisions, or actions (or inactions) that still hold some emotional energy for you. It might be something you wish you had done differently, or a path you didn’t take that you still wonder about.
Be bold. Be honest with yourself. What regrets come to mind? And what emotions do they bring up? Don’t shy away from them. Allow yourself to feel whatever you feel. By simply acknowledging these regrets, you’re starting the process of releasing their grip on you. This exercise is the first step toward transforming your regrets into something empowering.
The Bottom Line
It’s time to stop hiding from regret. It’s a powerful emotion that, when processed correctly, can transform your life. The more we try to suppress our regrets, the more they continue to weigh us down. But when we can identify them, acknowledge them, and learn from them, we unlock a world of possibilities.
So, here’s your action plan:
Reflect on two or three regrets from your life. Let yourself feel the emotions that come with them.
Sign up for The Revitalizing Power of Regret course and join a group of supportive people ready to use regret as a springboard for personal growth.
Start using your regrets to create a more meaningful future.
I can’t wait to have you join me in the course and begin this transformative journey together. Remember, regret doesn’t have to be something that holds you back—it can be the very thing that propels you forward.
If you want to learn more about EMDR Therapy, click here.