written by Rebecca-Sophia Strong
In this post, I’m offering a simple but powerful practice to help you reconnect with compassion—both for yourself and others. This tool is inspired by Internal Family Systems (IFS), a transformative psychotherapy modality gaining global recognition for its ability to help people heal and create lasting change, and it pairs beautifully with EMDR Therapy, a proven approach for addressing trauma and emotional distress.
What is Internal Family Systems (IFS)?
IFS is a therapeutic approach that recognizes we all have different “parts” of ourselves—different aspects or inner voices that influence our thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. Some parts may be protective, while others may carry past wounds or unhealed emotional pain. IFS invites us to identify and work with these parts in a compassionate, non-judgmental way, ultimately helping us heal and integrate our whole selves.
One of the core principles of IFS is that we all have a central, wise, and compassionate self that can guide us through challenges. Reconnecting with this "Self" helps heal the parts of us that may be struggling.
Why Compassion Matters
Compassion plays a key role in the IFS healing process. It’s not just about feeling sorry for someone—it’s about understanding their pain, being with them in their suffering, and offering care and support. Compassion can be directed inward for self-healing, and it’s essential in today’s fast-paced world where we often judge ourselves, push through discomfort, and avoid acknowledging inner struggles.
Practicing self-compassion isn’t weakness; it’s a powerful tool for emotional resilience, understanding, and healing. Combining IFS with EMDR Therapy can deepen this process, helping individuals address emotional wounds while fostering greater self-kindness and understanding.
The Practice: A Step-by-Step Guide
This practice will help you tap into compassion and integrate it into your life. It involves recalling a moment when you felt compassion, whether for yourself, from someone else, or when you witnessed it in the world. You’ll also use a grounding technique from EMDR Therapy, called the Butterfly Hug, which helps connect deeply with feelings of compassion.
Recall a Memory of Compassion
Think about the last few days and recall a time when you experienced compassion. This could be compassion toward yourself, from someone else, or witnessing compassion in action. Relive the moment as vividly as you can.Tap Into the Feeling
Close your eyes, if needed, and recall how compassion felt in your body. Compassion often feels warm and nurturing, like being embraced in a safe space. Let the feeling of care, love, and concern flood your body.The Butterfly Hug
Place your palms facing each other in front of you, then cross your arms and bring your hands to your shoulders so your thumbs touch. Gently tap with both hands in a rhythmic motion, like a butterfly fluttering over your chest.Savor the Moment
As you continue tapping, focus on your memory of compassion. If your mind wanders, gently guide it back to the compassionate memory. Let that feeling deepen and fill you up.Expand the Feeling
Imagine compassion spreading through your body, from your chest to your belly, arms, and feet. Let it nourish every part of you, like a soothing balm.Reaffirm Your Beliefs
As you sit with this compassion, notice how it shifts your perspective. You may feel safer, more grounded, or believe that kindness is alive in the world. Let these new beliefs fill your heart and mind.Conclude with Breathing
Take three deep breaths, focusing on the compassion you’ve experienced. As you breathe, repeat affirmations like “I am safe,” “I am worthy,” or “Kindness is alive in the world.” Let these affirmations anchor you in the feeling of self-compassion.
How Compassion Impacts Your Life
By practicing this technique regularly, you can cultivate a deeper sense of self-compassion, which offers several benefits:
Reduces Stress and Anxiety: Compassion triggers a relaxation response in the body, calming the nervous system and reducing stress. This practice is especially helpful when feeling overwhelmed or anxious.
Improves Emotional Resilience: Self-compassion helps you bounce back more easily from challenges. Instead of judging yourself for mistakes or setbacks, you approach yourself with kindness, building emotional resilience.
Strengthens Relationships: Practicing self-compassion helps you extend empathy and kindness to others, leading to stronger, more supportive relationships.
Enhances Self-Worth: Compassion affirms that you are worthy of care and love, boosting self-esteem and fostering a positive self-image.
Final Thoughts
Compassion is a transformative force that can heal and change you. By practicing this simple technique, you can invite more compassion into your life, reduce stress, and build emotional resilience. It’s not about perfection, but about showing up with kindness for yourself and others.
If this practice resonates with you, I’d love to hear your thoughts. Reach out with feedback on how this works for you, what other tools you’d like to explore, or anything else you'd like to share.
If you want to learn more about EMDR Therapy, click here.